3 What to Expect
My Ironmen experience
I initiated the start of each of the 4 Ironmen groups I participated in over my adult life. Doesn’t mean I led them, but I did lead my own life and coordinated the start up of the group. In the first group, Rob, Dave and I met Mondays from 6 am to 8 am. We picked that time because none of us had class, work, or any obligations whatsoever. In fact, we didn’t foresee us ever having any time conflict at 6 am. The real issue was having discipline enough to go to bed on Sundays at a reasonable time so we could overcome our natural inclination to sleep through our alarm. Franklin’s “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” dictum was a guiding principle. I didn’t know Dave very well, he was a fraternity brother to which I was new. Rob was my old next door neighbor of 13 years. Rob was already my best friend and Dave was to ultimately join that rank.
The first order of business was to discuss why we were meeting. We wanted to succeed. At the time, we didn’t know what that meant, but we knew we wanted the good life and that would mean having achievement, respect, position, and money. We agreed early that we’d read Napoleon Hill’s success primer “Think and Grow Rich”. Among the many other foundational thoughts, the book introduces 3 key takeaways: Goal Setting, Thoughts are Things, and The Mastermind. We were starting a Mastermind (Ironmen) Group, put Thoughts are Things aside for a bit, and focused on Goal Setting. It took a better part of a year for us to work some things out.
First of all, we didn’t set up group norms properly and had to work through those. I’d show up late one week or Dave another. Rob was never late because it was in his room. But another norm developed that we agreed upon – come prepared. Rob couldn’t slide on that. This group requirement was much tougher than showing up on time because it took greater forethought and commitment. I’d have to set my semester goals, plan for achievement, and weekly effort by Monday; then report back on how I did. Let’s just say that I hadn’t developed this skill during high school. We were asking ourselves to be adult and disciplined and the climbing up the mountain was challenging. But a point of note: no one else was even attempting to do it.
So we had our Career goals (which was school), Financial goals (which was cash flow management), Health and Fitness goals, Social goals (we each had girlfriends which we each ended up marrying), and Spiritual goals. We wrote them out, discussed them, and gauged our effort toward achieving them. I can definitively say that I learned more in school due to this effort. More importantly, I learned more about myself and life because of this effort.
How many people in an Ironmen group?
The group should be three people. Not two. Not four. Three. If two people meet and one is absent, there’s no meeting. If one person is characterized as always late (which by the way says “you are just not that important to me”), there’s a relational issue with two versus a violation of group norms with three. The energy is just flat out higher, the conversations are more balanced, the perspectives are more well rounded in a group than with just two people. But two works. I just prefer three; can you tell? Four people makes it tough to be heard. Too many voices to get in to each person’s experiences, feelings, interpretations, goals, and issues. Ultimately the group is about transparency and accountability. A group of four people creates either the environment for someone to hide or too much competition for time to speak. It can be frustrating. Flow, by the way, is that higher level of energy you experience when gathered with like-minded individuals. It’s male bonding. It’s “when two or more gather in my name.” It is clearer thinking, more articulate verbalizing, and greater discernment when you come together with the purpose of growth.
How long should the meetings last?
Two hours is important to allow the flow of conversation to take place. 20-30 minutes on each person’s life, goals, weekly accomplishments, etc, leaves only 30-60 minutes for discussion on some relevant topic. There are SO many meaningful things to discuss when you’re 22-34 years that 30 minutes is too short. 60 is better. After 10 years of meeting pretty much every week with my latest group, we still find the flow and come upon some epiphany worth the effort. Therefore, 2 hours is important. Even if the family complains a little, I had to lead on this point. Ultimately, my wife and kids were the beneficiaries of a husband and father who had his shit together.