The Letters

/The Letters

Improving Sexual Intimacy

I received a bit of feedback on my Letter, Sex and Divorce. The essence was that the state of sexual harmony was a long-term concern. To that end, let me continue into the discussion with thoughts on how to develop the relationship away from the chasm that leads to divorce. The stereotype is justified - Men have a fundamental requirement of sexual intimacy. It’s not just a desire, it’s a requirement. What gets lost with the early marital conflict is the reasonableness yet unending aspect of this requirement. Let me assert that it is reasonable to have sex 10-12 [...]

By | July 21st, 2017|Personal|

Sex and Divorce

I was talking with a guy this week who was trying to capture me as a financial planning client while I was trying to capture him as a referral source for loans. Nice guy, good looking, athletic, about 47 years old. Our conversation went the normal route of set-up niceties before getting down to business - two boys in their teens, divorced for 13 years, career journey through various paths, landed in his current gig half a dozen years ago and is now settled and happy. Not remarried. In the 90 minutes we spent together his married life came [...]

By | July 14th, 2017|Personal, Relational|

Audience or Actor

At the peak of my business life (so far), I had 1500 salespeople working for my company. Every year we had an industry event where we would gather vendors to push their wares to our sales people at our own convention. It was fun and offered us the opportunity to design the events to our sales people's specific needs and interests. I learned a bit about human nature during this time. Our salespeople were 100% commissioned and ate what they killed. Therefore, their motivations correlated to their actions which I conclude determined their income success. You'd think they would [...]

By | July 7th, 2017|Economic, Getting Started, Personal|

Re-Parenting Yourself

I love my Dad - still.  He died many years ago now, but I think of him often and wish he were still a part of my life, that he could see my family grow, could see my accomplishments and be proud of me. I still very much long for his approval.   My Dad had his shortcomings to say the least.  When I was around 4, he traded me to our neighbors. Told me to pack up and head next door.  As I was crying with my belongings in a suitcase walking to the door, he said that they [...]

By | June 30th, 2017|Personal|

What a Man Needs – Part 5

Ownership. That’s a funny word - ownership. To one who has never known real ownership, the word conjures up imagery that might indicate mere possession of a thing whose fate is at the whim of the owner who has all the power of determination, like a slave owner. The owner can possess a thing and enjoy it while it’s pristine and new and discard it when the honeymoon has passed and utility worn down. No, ownership is deeper than the “belongs to” idea. In this “What Men Need” series, I’ve discussed that men must vigorously spend themselves in labor [...]

By | June 23rd, 2017|Uncategorized|

What a Man Needs – Part 4

Self Respect. Though this may seem obvious, a man needs to feel valued and can only find peace with enough data that affirms him, whereas lacking that he will pursue self destructive behaviors. A young man passes by a window and looks at himself to maybe catch his own eye. Is he narcissistic? No, he’s looking for data. Data that will affirm that he’s doing ok, that he’s on the road to respect. Self respect? No, that’s too self absorbed and lacks context. No, he’s checking in the reflection to see if he’s respectable among men, desirable among women, [...]

By | June 16th, 2017|Personal|